Last Sunday, Strong Jawline and I Skyped my parents in Evanston, Illinois, to announce that he had successfully impregnated me.
Read More
This is what I was doing when I found out I was pregnant: DRINKING WINE. This is why: I like wine.
Read More
Try to get pregnant at 40, and everyone has a story. Recently a friend of a friend shouted the following at me across a table in a bar in Denver, about a friend of hers giving birth:
"SHE TORE TO HER ASSHOLE. SHE TORE INSIDE AND OUT."
Read More
I have something to confess: I'm happy and in a relationship. I KNOW. I HATE ME, TOO. It's the fucking death knell of a snarky blog about online dating.
Read More
It's possible I am not, empirically speaking, a "good girlfriend," or a "good person."
Read More
On Saturday I turned 40. Also on Saturday, the Oakland Medical Center sent me a mammo-gram.
Read More
I spent my last day as a 30-something AT COSTCO WITH MY PARENTS.
Read More
I got my eyes checked last week. Dr. Jue said I have the worst vision of any of his current patients.
Read More
On Tuesday, September 13, 2016, at 12:50 a.m., I was literally I AM USING THAT WORD CORRECTLY PAY ATTENTION MILLENNIALS jolted by a 3.5 earthquake.
Read More
For the past four months, Strong Jawline, my current provider of intercourse, has been telling me I'm pretty.
I've never been accused of such a thing. In 39 years I've been called "striking," "Mediterranean," and "similar to Peter Sellers."
Read More
My free time these days is split between trolling dating sites for people I know, peeing on a stick to see whether I'm ovulating, and recording conversations with Strong Jawline, who remains the top candidate to impregnate me (NOVEMBER 2016: SEX WITH A PURPOSE).
Read More
I've decided to have a baby with a stranger.
In 53 days, I turn 40. Which means I have 53 days until my ovaries turn to each other across the vast pink expanse of my uterus, wink at each other, and commence crushing my remaining eggs Kids in the Hall-style.
Read More
My brother, Jesse, lives in China, and last week he got married. So Rose and Dave and I descended on him during typhoon season because everyone looks great in 90 percent humidity.
Read More
I spotted during my luteal phase. Let me explain.
I've been charting my cycle because somebody gave me a book about fertility and I'm curious as to whether at my advanced maternal age I CAN get pregnant.
Read More
So I got fucking snookered into another three months on Match.com because I forgot it automatically resubscribes you and charges your credit card. So I signed in ... with the wrong email address and discovered my OLD MATCH.COM ACCOUNT FROM THREE YEARS AGO WHAT.
Read More
Mexico was great. I didn't get roofied. But I did nearly get into a car I shouldn't have gotten into.
Read More
NOTES TO SELF WHILE TRAVELING ALONE IN OAXACA, MEXICO
The good thing about not speaking the language: You can't talk me into anything because I have no idea what you're saying.
Read More
June 16, 2016: Posted on Atlanta Craigslist in Housing > Rooms & Shares*
Read MoreSWM-53 seeks Girlfriend or Wife. Free rent, power, cable, wifi & food[WHAT I WANT]: I'm seeking a non-smoking female that's probably size 14 or smaller.